torn

it's never been that i felt shut off from you..

no never that...

but the words I stuttered so many years ago, i still can't seem to mention

now that we're grown

still friends through thick, thin, and heartbreak.. and smiles

yet still the silence slices my skin when there are no more current events to speak of..

none of which i wish to speak... with you

how would i?? why should i??; put myself out there again..

would you understand, i wonder the conflict with my heart?

would you still care..

or would your defense become condemnation?

years of experiences shared, still void of critical information...

things we should know about each other...

so i wonder... is this what makes a friendship true?

perhaps it is love which bonds us...

deep and unmentionable..

never uncomfortable,

forever unconditional, love...

long ago you held me in your arms when i thought i'd never breath again

you wiped my tears, and stoked my face with a tenderness i still search for...

but your denial of affection manifests a self-loathing

that  left me longing for what only you could give...

don't get it twisted that this is me blaming you for my hang-ups

it's just the venting of longing,

i know now will never be full-filled...

till the day i can wrap my soul around your shoulders

i dedicate this to you...

i pray to the stars you never leave

and i will love you still

even if you do...