goodnight...

In the beginning it was love that drew me to your constant defense... the need I had to protect that which was mine, leading me to fight battles I was ill equipped to handle myself in... I brought pens against fists, whimpers against screams, rational against addiction... Never once seeing the long game, forgetting it was chess not checkers, a pawn in your scheme; ending up captured to be traded for nothing... Growing didn't come with enlightenment in the 90's only skin and deep hate... misunderstanding + loss = rebellion... disconnection... and i run away to find myself coming right back to where it all began... a place i can never go back to, where people i love i can never get back still i day dream within the confines of my soul... Entrance into adulthood, unsure yet aware... still wanting but not needing from you or any others,  the definition of independence;  I'm a woman in my own right... so now we can be friends until you interject that you don't understand what my problem was all those years ago... and even tho i'm over it, i'll never truly be grown if i give response... so i utter, "never you mind if you don't already know, i love you mom, ttyl"