the joke...

so this is what happens when you base relationships on sex... only one of two things.. either you get away or get stuck on a string.. tied to a stranger.. your lover.. your friend.. the problem with putting sex first is if (when) it is good... so good ... as the waves roll through you, the ecstatic feeling that it brings with it allows your conscious mind to forget you the tide is drowning you... And I've drowned before (literally,) it was a twist of (?fate, ?destiny lol) that brought this situation to what it is now.. before what it is there was what it was;  

sex, there was no us... we didn't know each other enough to really be an us.. and not for lack of opportunity, we just didn't want to know...  bringing him in the middle of that was not going to change what it was...  thus  the situation upgraded it's self into what it is... and it's not going to change being what it is  until we stop playing games and give this thing a name... lol!

 lust or love?.. when i think of what us is, i think of it from beginning to end.. not middle to current... i can't see the gap between now and then but i know what will will become of  me (this)  ultimately... and i can see what can become of you... just not the journey we take to get there... and whether or not you are holding my hand...   is metaphorical... holding someone's hand give the intention to never let them go... so if you both have to then carry a 3rd  or 4th, or even a 5th...  through this life is easier.. becoz together we are stronger... right?...  and perhaps that's why we're not us (a we)...  you  have a tendency of repeating myself.. i think i've heard the same 1 00 or so stories 30 or so times... so when you ask me if you like repeating yourself, i just don't answer... because obviously you do...  my new word is tumultuous ...  i wanna whisper it like hummingbirds do daffodils  along with words like  tempestuous, confound, flummox, cantankerous, equanimity, quiescence, abeyance, enamored, besotted, & crapulent,.. just because... all i can think of to describe what it is now... we are an us... we're just walking up the mountain... so we're gonna struggle for a bit.. but  when we reach the peak... and really see what it is.. we'll look back on what it was an laugh..