darkness

I'm used to him being away at night,
the darkness doesn't scare me..
The shadows creeping by don't put fear in my heart
yet I am now afraid like I haven't been since I believed in monsters lurking under my bed... When the sun rises and his face is not there to smile at me my overheated 1 bedroom apartment feels like the North Pole at Christmas time...
cold and lonely
desolate
abandoned
and I am afraid.
Seeing him for an hour a day does nothing to easy the worry that it may be the last time...
And although I have the best part of him surrounding me everyday with smiles of childish joy, I cannot shake the melancholy melody playing in my heart in the darkness & still of the night.
I now am officially aware of how much I love this man, of how I can't live without him... Of how I wear his shirts so I can smell his scent and hope to ease into sleep...
For the first time in a long time, I have lowered myself to my knees in prayer hoping my love bug is returned home soon.
Cause I can't take another sleepless night, and baby girl won't come if her daddy is not there to greet her upon arrival...
and I cannot do this alone...