The Choice

There are times when I greatly regret it, the choice to love him and not leave him. Especially when his conclusion to things is to send me on my way, or suggest i leave... I wonder why does he never choose to say something else? Why does he always choose to add my dismissal as a viable solution to the real problem of us? Perhaps it's because he's so scared that he's trying to scare me too. Perhaps he really is fed up to the point that he doesn't want to do this anymore. Perhaps, he's nothing more than a big kid, who doesn't know his ass from his elbow let alone what he wants. I can't make that choice for him. The decision is his alone to make. So what do I do when I've made my choice? I believe in the words we never spoke and act as if we did...

Happy Valentine's Day

I don't do Valentines Day, I've never needed flowers & candy to justify or validate any relationship I've been in. Jewelry is nice to receive but I'd rather see the sparkle of my lovers smile.
His smile is now dimmed.. and i just wish I could press the reset button and follow my gut. Not that stupid voice in my head that kept me paranoid yet led us to the place we are now... Afraid... Withdrawn... Distant..
Strangers..
So I'm taking the chance now to not be a stranger anymore.. I'm willing to live in the fear of love, so we may once again be wrapped and warmed by it's embrace..
3 years ago i made a choice, and I don't regret it. Everyday I will continue to wake up and make that same choice because that is what marriage is... That's what love is, making the choice every day...
On this day I choose him, and will again tomorrow, come what may...

the sound

silent is the sound
of the ice as it cracks
beneath you feet
and inside her chest....

the icy heart...

once melted by a valiant king,
brought to life then stripped away

vulnerability

loneliness

inevitably disappearing..

part of self traded in for parts of him...

once stolen this heart of ice which still beats...

full of blood yet void of life...

alone again
in the shadow of night.