what?

there was a time  when i thought my life to end.. i could see not tomorrow... all i saw was dark clouds blocking the sun i should have been basking in... from time to time i still feel a bit like that person dressed for a summer's day... only to walk into a rainstorm... never truly prepared for or willing to accept the obstacles thrown in my path... I have since learned to appreciate the vast blessings i have accrued... and toughened my skin to avoid infrastructural damage..  yet all precautions aside, it's still a balancing act... with a long way to fall with just one mis-step... 

i am sometimes afraid that my  genealogy  will predict the actions of my future self... that the things my mentality quips over now have already been decided for me simply by my birth... that every decision is actually just me following the outline laid ahead of me... and it's scary thinking that perhaps the road to hell  is only paved with good intentions because it's not truly my decision which way i shall go... 

so pondering the possibilities, perhaps it is all excuses of theory of one who is unsure... or it could be rational or one who is simply bipolar...