pain

I never thought that for a 2nd time in my life I would be in pain such as this.. I've never felt my heart break as much as I have lately..
Today I started to try it.. Amidst the tears, I almost did it.. I held that knife to my wrist and pushed down, too weak to break the skin but hard enough to leave a scratch.. I felt the prick of the blades end on my flesh...
Maybe an interruption from above, I heard a cry in the dark from my precious daughter's lips and stopped..
Frightened at what her fruture could possibly hold without me.. The lies tat would be told to her about me.. the woman she may become without my guidance..
And so here I sit, face still wet with tears.. Searching for help.. for answers.. for consolation..
Maybe one day I'll get it..
Hopefully it won't be too late.